Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
