What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
