I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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