i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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