I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My life is pants optional.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
