ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
