It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize