Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize