Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
