oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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