omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
