guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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