i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
