are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize