I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
