those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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