I CAN MOONWALK!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
