my mouth tastes like poor choices
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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