he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
