what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
