Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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