A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
