Just cropdusted the office
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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