You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
ugly people sure do ruin things
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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