I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
