this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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