What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
