I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
