Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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