Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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