there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
ok first of all what the fuck
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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