i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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