she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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