If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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