He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
