One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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