feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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