I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i would punch a child for taco bell
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
