About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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