Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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