i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
