Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
