I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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