I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
