So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
