There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
