only if we run a train.
done.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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