and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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