I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
