is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You don't make any sense
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