I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
