And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
