I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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