here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
