i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
