It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you inspire me to be a worse person
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
