im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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