Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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