I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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