Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
