I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
BRING THE BAGELS
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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