the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
