Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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