Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm both gender and math confused
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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