I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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