It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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