I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
