does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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