Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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