suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
