Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
