I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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