I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
