You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
