I wanna bring you to show and tell
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
