Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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