I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
