remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize