My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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