I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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