you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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