ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
