i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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