And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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