did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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