I cockslap morals
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
