I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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