1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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