so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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